he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
