Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
