your parents love me but you hate me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
