Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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