Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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