dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
