omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
