Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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