I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
