"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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