Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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