i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
