Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize