Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
