I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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