Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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