i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my being single is dangerous.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
