god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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