Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
