I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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