Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
