I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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