This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
