I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
