Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
