Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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