You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
