Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
