It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
