Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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