shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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