just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
