Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
