I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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