I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
