In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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