Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
