It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
