I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
