I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
