Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
