nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
