Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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