The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
well you can't waste a boner
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
