she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
