this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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