this boner is exhausting
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
