Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
