There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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