Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
