Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Help me help you realize you are a moron
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize