Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I want to have your abortion
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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