Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
