my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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