Don't make out with my wife yet
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
