There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm like, not good at living.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
