i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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