life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
