oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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