If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
