so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
