my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
