apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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