I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
