yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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