I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
