i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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