Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
