I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
