I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
